1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Randomize
