we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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