You're completely useless in the revolution.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
