My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
how drunk are you?
Several
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
