Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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