please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
