I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Randomize
