I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
