Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
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