her vagine was all disorganized.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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