drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
