What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
