After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
