what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
