He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
