the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
