I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
