I'm drive I can fine osifer
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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