She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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