I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
