Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
