Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
