I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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