she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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