he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
