remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
