I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
