How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
