I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
