Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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