i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
