Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Randomize
