So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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