yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I'm at about main and main street
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
