At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
