i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
