i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
