i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
