i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Randomize
