mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
