No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
