The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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