His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
