I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
foreskin is a definite game changer
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
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