So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
