I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
