terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
