U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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