what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
