he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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