Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
