If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
