had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
