So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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